you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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