The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize