You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
