Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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