what day is it and did you see me today?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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