I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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