She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
