he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i've created a new STD.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
