she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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