Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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