Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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