By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
