took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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