doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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