forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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