I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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