Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize