The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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