I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
