look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
