i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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