And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
