Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
