Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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