no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
