the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
