for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
