Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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