So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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