Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
