She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
