made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
