he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize