Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
