Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
