I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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