I have demons in me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize