Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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