Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
be right there i have to get my cape
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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