i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
