I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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