Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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