just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
