Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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