chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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