I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
