the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So squirting runs in the family.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
