I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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