remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
