Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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