but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
