woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
