thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
