I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
