Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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