Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
