Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
