sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
