I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize