i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?