I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She is in my trunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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