oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."