Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.