I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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