i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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