Porn is love you can see.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
