The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.