i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
love makes seman taste better
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?