I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it because I queefed?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin