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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

  Fav 11 1810 4178

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

  Fav 21 6398 1279

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  i flashed his best friends last night

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  you always were good at making good first impressions

  Fav 10 4116 1716

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt

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• 

  23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.

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• (562): View more from California

  Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".

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• 

  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

  Fav 8 2208 809

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• (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?

  Fav 7 104 23

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• (315): View more from New York

  Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.

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