Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
