New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
