You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
