How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
