the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
