I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
