I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
